Tuesday 28 April 2015

Bastard kids are gems...not baggage!

Moira was quietly sipping on her hot mug of coffee when the phone startled her. With the drizzle of the rain and cold wind blowing harshly outside, all she needed was to sprawl on her couch with a warm blanket wrapped around her feet as the fire burned in the fireplace. The crackling of the burning wood coupled with the sound of soft instrumental love songs from her radio was a perfect set up for something special... she wasn't expecting anything anyway,until her phone rung.

"Hi Babe... I hope you are in the house coz' am coming over." It was Arroyo; her... lets just say 'best friend' for now, because he hasn't asked her anything important yet, though they sit and discuss anything and everything about life. Some busy bodies say they are birds of a feather. He was full of surprises;both kind and rude,depending on his mood. She wasn't sure what to expect on this particular day,though she felt the air suddenly warm and her heart play a little dance to his voice across the line.

She opened the door for Arroyo. He briskly walked in,shivering from the cold and dripping wet from the rain. She could tell from his arched brow that he needed some warmth; a cup of coffee perhaps, sitting closer to the fireplace perhaps,sharing her warm blanket perhaps,or ...just spooning and graduating from best friends to God knows what perhaps.
"This bastard needs some warmth..." he drawled. He had a way with words,sometimes she couldn't help but bubble with laughter. "What? why would you call yourself a bastard?" she gazed in awe at the expression on his face. He avoided eye contact. Something was bothering him." Coz' I am one...a bastard child" he responded, taking the cup of coffee from her hands and gazing into the fire. He had a heart of stone. A stone that can shiver and bleed. So they sat by the fireplace and had this deep conversation. She listened;

"Am afraid I may not make a good husband or dad. My father left when I was four for another woman. My mother struggled to raise us (they are four,a girl and three boys)all by herself. Our relatives always referred to us as "bastards" and "baggage" because we didn't have a father and were always in need of help. I only had my maternal grandpa as a male figure in my life,but I rarely visited since they insisted I should visit my paternal relatives instead because my culture says "mtoto mvulana ni wa baba"(a male child belongs to the father). I'd love to have a family of my own and raise it right...with my wife,but I am afraid."

It was sad to hear him doubt himself and sink into self pity. A man with brains and brawn like him deserved nothing short of a happy family. He was respectful,intelligent, hardworking and with a good sense of humor. His family were their (Moira's) immediate neighbors and her dad,being the strict no non-sense man that he was, had outlined clear instructions on who's who to associate with his family. Arroyo's straight grade A in High School earned him handshake from Moira's father and a place in their home compound,something that other young men envied.

"Hey, don't let self pity pull you down and suffocate you," she tried to reassure him. "Besides, I am a bastard child too!" she added, a genuine smile pasted on her lips. "What?..." He asked, his facial expression torn between  astonishment and amusement."...Why would you call yourself a bastard?" So he listened;

"My parents never wed in Church. Their marriage is cultural. Our Church leaders refuse to acknowledge them (my parents) us as part of the congregation that can partake the Holy Communion since their matrimony is traditional. Only a Church wedding in white for mama (a colour often worn to depict purity and virginity for the bridesmaid) will make us (us!?) legit. That makes me baggage to the Church too because Mama will never qualify for the white gown. Hilarious!" She exclaimed,gagging her mouth at the last statement.They both burst out laughing.

How would they have known while they were in their mothers' wombs that they would be born bastards? Who breathes life in them anyway if not the same God of the legit? Does anyone have a right to judge them over circumstances beyond them?
They stared at each momentarily before reassuring each other: Let the world deal with it and educate the next generation on "Bastard Child Prevention strategies and Mitigation measures."
"We are gems...not baggage!" Moira concluded, and to that,she earned a warm hug at the fireplace and a kiss on her forehead at the door,before Arroyo disappeared into the drizzle. Something special had happened.



I saw it all!...Part 1


So I remember: A young beautiful girl...so much younger than my mother, jumping out of my father's bedroom window. My eyes were only seven years old. But the memory is now 23 years older, very vivid with images intact like the reflection in my mirror. Her beautiful flowery dress that offered a generous display of her bosom, short kinky hair and a smile that would bring fireflies dancing around her in the dark of the night is all she had to earn a space or was it a place in that solemn room. My father's bedroom,where all my mother's clothes,shoes and handbags hung watching and waiting in silence. They must have had older eyes than mine.If only they could speak to my mother and bring her back from college! ( I later understood that her absence was because she was away in a College far far away from home). I missed her presence and everything about her.

The young and wild girl went by the name "Aunty" from the first day she set her feet in our house.See,everyone here is either called Aunty or Uncle, as long as they look like grown ups;and they all were. I was seven,my younger sister five and the youngest three, basically I was grown up too! She was Aunty,our house maid, house help, domestic manager... whatever title that suited her job description which included mainly: preparing all meals; washing us,utensils and our clothes,cleaning inside and outside the house and basically humming songs around the house in a language none of us could understand. She hailed from another village and community anyhow and didn't bother interpreting her songs or instructions. Her advise..we should move from town and live in the village to learn our...actually her mother-tongue. Hmm!

So, that very moment; I bolted from where I was feeding my puppy on little remains in my lunch box and into the house. I knocked my father's bedroom and when he opened, he was drenched in water... I think; and half-wrapped in a towel. I looked up at him and asked, " Why did Aunty jump outside your bedroom window instead of just using the door? You should have opened it for her because she would have fallen on my puppy and tore her dress. You know she will break her hands next time... then she won't be cleaning your bedroom... until mum returns."

If eyes could kill...I am dead from my father's glare and only my soul hovers around in wonder since then. If ears could burst from the words I heard, I would definitely be writing this in sign language. His response offended me to this date. Yet I'd seen it all, I could paint a picture of the entire event! Do you know what daddy told me?

Monday 27 April 2015

Free advice to NEREA of Sauti Sol...if she can read.



Not to be a hater, I love this song by all means,Nerea by Sauti Sol Ft Amos and Josh, but it got me thinking of the down side of it. There is another reality to having this baby. The timing and type of relationship with this man has to be right.
Nakuomba Nerea… usishike mimba yake kama haujasoma mawaidha haya.(I'm begging Nerea, read this before you decide to or 'accidentally' get pregnant). If you still can't read for one reason or another; e.g you've just enrolled in class one for the free Primary Education,or just don't like reading; could any dear friend reach her in person and enlighten her? I want you to enjoy motherhood Nerea.

Dear Nerea, please listen to me. I will try as much as possible to maintain my polite tone. I will also not charge you for my services, because I know you’ll come to thank me some day.

Getting pregnant? Are you crazy!? Don’t even think about it!

And lest you forget, please pull out your little notebook and jot this down-as a reminder from a loving sister from another mother 

Unless he has walked you down the aisle and put a ring on your finger in the presence of a REAL Pastor and REAL family members from both sides,the last phone conversation you’ll make and hear his voice will be something like this;

You: “ Honey…am pregnant!” Am sure you’ll have confirmed this with your gynecologist before breaking the news to your honey, so this will definitely not be a prank.
Him: “You what!!?”….. (Long silence….)Then the phone goes dead. OR
Him: "What do you mean pregnant!?... didn't your mother teach you about pills!?" Then the phone goes dead. Same thing, dead phones.
 If by miracle the conversation lasts longer, he’ll simply say it was ‘a bad accident’ or blame you for trapping him. Then the phone will  still go dead.
I am also hoping that you'll not be too naive to break this news in person over an outing because chances are that you'll walk back home alone... talking to yourself and with wet handkerchiefs in your handbag, soaked in lots of tears, mucus and some sweat. The walk will be good for venting out though.

The next time you’ll hear from him; sorry, let me rephrase this; the next time you’ll see him (Being the typical Kenyan man with a village in his head; he'll be in flesh, wearing a black suit…and a lusty smile) will be perhaps twenty-something years down the line when your (sorry to say, but if you choose to remain unmarried after this) bastard daughter will be getting married to some lucky man and the dowry is being paid to you. Or, when your (sorry to say this again, but if you chose to remain unmarried) bastard son wins a marathon, a US rotary ticket, one of those Safaricom jackpots or is featured on K24’s young and rich program. He will even agree to a paternity/DNA test to prove that his sperm (that’s what swims into the egg to make a baby right?), was shot on target…twenty something years back.
If the above scenario escapes you, here’s what is likely to take place if he marries you ‘out of pity’ because you got his baby and he confirmed beyond doubt that it was his:
1.       He’ll always blame you for ‘trapping’ him into a marriage he never wanted. In one of those feigned drunken stupors or during bedtime prayers, he’ll confess that he never even wanted to be with you,and that God should punish the Pastor that joined you because the spirit should’ve revealed this to the Pastor! That’s why am telling you to ensure you engage a REAL Pastor at your wedding.He/She could save you by saying..."the spirit has refused" then you'll still raise a bastard (if you choose to never get married).
2.       After the birth of this little miracle that could be (or may not be) the future, Lupita Nyong'o or Wangari Mathaai, or Victor Wanyama, or President Barack Obama, or Nelson Mandela, or Jaramogi Oginga Odinga, or Miriam Makeba,or  David Rudisha, or Hussein Bolt, or…me: You are highly likely to put on a little more (No. A lot) of weight and lose your once ‘coca cola bottle shape’ that made him fall for you in the first place. He will replace you with a sweeeeet, preeeetty, (please note that these are prolonged adjectives to magnify her beauty) slim fit, twenty nothing year old as a side dish and spend all your savings on maintaining her to massage his ego. She won’t resist his charm spiced with your hard earned cash!
3.       Your post pregnancy stretch marks around the once flat tummy, curvy hips, toned arms, and rounded gluteus medius and maximus (anatomical names for the butt) will force you to cover your body a little more… sorry, a lot more with long sleeved free dresses and lesos (remember am not saying those beautiful designer lesos that make us look sexy) hiding what he liked staring at most (also remember your tummy’s still hanging out and cellulite's mocking the rest of your lower body while you struggle to return to shape). He might say he confuses your bedroom for a zoo with a zebra (you) and make a run for either a club to hang out with long lost single friends who are always accompanied by you know who…who are always taken to the club's upper rooms at a fee for you know what services. OR he will simply again…replace you with a sweeeeet preeeetty slim fit twenty nothing year old. His sad story about you will sweep her off her tantrums. She won’t resist his charm... spiced with your hard earned cash!!
4.       God brings this little angel with a plate as it is said, so basically the child is not starving but putting on a lot of weight and scoring lots of zeros in class. Remind you there are some children born with disabilities, have learning disabilities, or are just talented in other spheres of life other than reading and cramming books and formulas (the Kenyan way). We all know what happens here; he will always blame it on you.”Mtoto mjinga kama mamake!” (the child’s as stupid as the mother).This reminds me that in my point number one, the reverse happens whereby he tells the world how equally brilliant he was, as such, the child’s success is due to his ’good’ gene.
Lastly, so I can keep my mouth shut before this men start bashing me(but don’t worry, I’ll be fine because I know they are  emotional cripples): If he marries you and saves you from raising a bastard, but still remembers that he'll never forgive you for the ‘accident,’ Nerea, you are stuck with him…forever…till death do you part. Because I hear you make a vow from the Holy Book when a REAL Pastor precedes your ceremony and REAL family members attend as a witnesses! Till death!? You deserve better than this Nerea.
Stay safe Nerea I beg oo. Motherhood is a blessing and you should enjoy having the baby(ies) at the right time...with the man of your choice, who vows to love,lead and protect you,while you watch his back from the sweeeeet preeeetty slim fit twenty nothing year old vultures.

Any question for me Nerea?